some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I want a musical about memes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
