at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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