and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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