Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
