ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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