My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
