Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
