Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
