she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
