That's intense
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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