I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
