how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
