i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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