Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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