I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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