That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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