hotel room ftw
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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