he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
