His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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