can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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