Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Randomize
