The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
