theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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