Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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