Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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