I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
