I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize