your room smells of hookers.
And success
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
