just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
