he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
