omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
