it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
