just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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