I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
