life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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