therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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