babies were throwing up all over the place
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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