He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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