does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
