I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
