Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
