i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
