I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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