Its about making memories worth repressing
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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