Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
