I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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