i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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