dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
