no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
