if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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