Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
