"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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