Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
