I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
