Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am naked and annoyed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
