How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
