If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I touched a dick in church today
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
