I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
