I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
