Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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