if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
