fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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