There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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