Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
