I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
