as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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