Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
