i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
