i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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