Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize