i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
