thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
