I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
