I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I would fuck him just for his dog
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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