So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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