Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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