I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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