sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
