Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
